last day of term 3.
and im not looking forward to holidays cos i only have 1 day free.
mon to fri going back school.
sun whole day carnival.
then i wonder how efficient can i be in this quite busy(to me) schedule.
sec3 life seems vry dull. its like all the colours in the skies from sec 1 and 2 has disappeared like that. so many things to cope with. especially being a upper sec and as stress from academics start to pile up, expectations from cca becomes alot higher. i dont know how long can i cope before i have a mental breakdown. i realise my posts become vry dull also as i come to sec3. my sec1 posts are like, i think i was in mental hospital then too siao already. the math log quiz affected me quite alot. i studied for it. but why when i see the ppr, my heart wasnt there, i couldnt think. and i started panicking at the last moment. the most i can get is 3/10...i cant afford to losen now, if not all my efforts will go down to drain. i dont know why i feel super duper tired of everyday's life. have not been talking or smiling or laughing much drng lessons now. is not emo or what. is just no mood. trngs have been relatively tiring. with intervals, the dread for trngs like last year come back again. and i dont dare to complain. because i dont have to right to complain. so what if i hit below the timing, im still a vry slow person. i need to do sth abt my legs. they are too slow and cant act together with my mind. and i realise when i play, im vryvryvryvry lazy. i dont know why am i not going all out, is it because im too hesitant. i give up so easily now. and i hate it. im like complaining here like that. aiya i dont think anybody will see also so its quite good.
{ 7:08 AM }
woah seh my blog really vry dead already!
i think even if i post this right, then alot of ppl also wont read cos they had had believed it was dead! ok i sound like vry high like that..
i dont know what to post actually.
i think i just suddenly want to run away from this hectic life of mine.
is like now i want to just relax and not face homework for one whole day. it is possible. but i will be even busier and i will get more stress. so im obliged to face those sickening work. although they are in varieties but i dont like it. i dont savour them like how i do on a large variety of food placed in front of my face.
and now i have to memorise poems. and taiwan independence problems. and the chinese culture test has SOURCE BASE. history one is already siao already. come chinese one. then somemore the exercise we did i got 5/10 only >< latr i study so much, in the end i dont know how to answer lol. that will be worst thing ever.
i sound like im complaining again aiyo.
i think i have sth to be happy about :D
just now i went with my parents to restock our house of necessities in fairpricefinest.
then i bought FOOD:D yaye then i wont have to live on maggee mee for supper anymore. and i need not find up and down for crumbs or traces of food in the afternoon!
hehehehe....
ok but cannot eat too much this week, cos only got one trng session.
and amanda tan is vry lame, she went with her mother to raffles place there the patch of grass. i think it was the place where we once had a netball carnival there before. then they went for a lucky draw for a car! LOL. lamepok. and the weather ytd was vry hot.
ok must go and memorise already.
{ 6:29 AM }
argh i missed circle properties quiz and bio spa already:( and alot of lessons. now im getting worried. cos next week is blocks. and i cant get down to study cos im feel so weak and no energy to move or digest all information. suppose to go to school today. but suddenly last night my fever rose to 38.o D: and i couldnt sleep at first cos i felt so feverish and it was really bad. if i was younger, i would have probably cried cos the feeling isnt nice at all.
but i mangged to go to sleep and my poor mother had to wake up every 4 hours to feed me medicine...bleh.
woke up this morning and fever somehow subsided to 36.3. was quite happy. but i still felt quite weak and when i stood up from my bed, everything was such a blurr. and i had a veryvery bad stomachache. vry bad means really super duper duper pain, excruciating pain, that weakens my whole body till it has no energy and i felt like fainting. but i had to push the motion out if not it will be more pain:( and i totally had no energy to push the motion out, so i was gasping cos of the pain. it was really really terrible plus horrible.
i tried playing the guitar and i had no energy. then the notes all come out wrong ><
hope i can go for limelight tonight. heh shall try to study now.
rahh i hope i dont miss out alot on work:(
fever fever please go away,
jolene wants to come out and play.
{ 8:03 PM }
im staring at this page wondering what to write...
ok i dint even know how i ended up at this page.
ohh and we are team 2 not team 1><
school been vry sian and rushing of work here and there, sometimes nowhere.
then lessons are so boring.
my LA is going to die. unseen poetry/unseen prose. teacher totally dint tell us the technique properly. like what devices here and there. only keep asking us to try doing.
argh. i dint stress is trying to conquer my mind and make me feel exasperated. but it cant i dont know why. im starting to have the i-dont-care attitude towards work now. but i know im going to die if i continue like this. i want to continue studying and doing work now. but i just cant. probably playing a game will help me.
{ 4:38 AM }
today was a day with alot alot of things i think.
our class only 9 ppl dint wear traditional costume and i was one of them:)
and wanglaoshi said our class was the most enthu one lol.
took class pics and all those but it dint felt the warmth and comfortability like i took with 205.
then i had LA speech about caning. quite a serious topic then i fumbled at some words.
argh stupid printer had to break down and i couldnt practice.
oh ya ytd melissa speech was the best and most humorous speech ever. i laughed from beginning to end and still laughing.
math was damn sian.
the asian delight auntie really freak me out now. first she smiles at me, then she asked for my name, then she asked me to be her goddaughter ytd.
then SIL. now i think of sil i get pissed. whats with the sarcasm. a few times i ahh piss ahh piss with tt person. i stupid can anot? listen to teacher still need ask abt ws. not like you no need listen still can do. then there were so many answers here and there. in the end i just anyhow write cos wrong also my own fault, i wont regret. then whats the problem with passing arnd that white, folded into many layers, thing around. super irritating. somemore i had to do the passing. i dont know if you will read this, but i dont care anyway.
i dont know what happened to me but i started to feel damn angry and i dint really talk because i scared the person agitate me i will scream at her. and i muttered obscenity in my mind repeatedly and under my breath which dint help.
argh probably i pms.
match at 330.
first quart, we were leading by 2.
second quart, we were losing by 1.
third quart, we were losing by 5.
fourth quart, we lost by 13.
my stamina. the guilt keep prickling me that i dint run enough.
second quart, i felt like vomitting.
and i always super slow nv faster go in block ziwei to help peizhen. rahh.
third quart i think i fell on my butt. and i couldnt feel my butt. i stood up and i felt like i only had one small butt. then i was thinking how was i going to dabian when i go home. lucky latr my butt flew back in place again.
ms lin said after first quart that she couldnt deny the other thing was much stronger than us it was a 50/50% who will win. i guess our stamina dragged us down. but i think team 1 did well today though. at least we improved so much so much in those lousy matches with other schools that we won/lost. 3rd place. we must get it. we can do it team 1.
{ 6:18 AM }
many things suddenly come crashing on me.
until i have to use work to numb myself.
argh its so tiring. i have to deal with so many things besides work.
and tmr has trng with fri match on in school.
my stamina really die. all due to my laziness.
and as things happen, with all the work and everything, as i see from the outside as things happen, i start to see stuffs i dont notice last thing. things that were foreign to me.
and its funny just to realise only now.
i realise im good at hiding my emotions in front of alot of ppl (except_)
cos once i start thinking abt all those stupid stuffs, i will break down as easy as you blow a feather away.
so probably maybe anytime im appearing happy, it may just be a mask i had put on to hide my real emotions. and i really feel fake after eveyrhting.
argh block test is coming really soon. and there isnt much time to study.
{ 6:39 AM }
sometimes ppl just shirk off responsibilities of a project even the deadline is approaching and do not even try to compromise by sacrificing some time of theirs to complete it together. all those reflections in projects. are they truly true? or just for the sake of beauty sake of the report? and im pissed off for the person who have to shoulder all the responsibilities. actually if this happens to me, i wont really care, but dont know why when this injustice happen to others, i feel angry for that person. is it cos of human nature of being selfish? whereby you will choose over individual work over project work? but i know of ppl who will totally dedicate and sacrifice their own work for project work, mainly cos others are not doing their jobs. and sometimes when so much effort is put in, what you get back is just sarcarsm.
im not sure what im saying also. like posting to vent out like tt.
anw i not talking abt my own project.
{ 7:56 AM }
i shall post sth, cos my blog is always dying.
i still cant get use to waking up early in the morning, super tired but lucky my dad could fetch me the whole week cos got h1n1.
and he drive super fast so i reach school in 15min from khatib:O then i dont get to sleep much also.
now sitting with melissa. lucky is i more familiar one if not i wont really talk also><
bt the ppl i know well around me so quite okay.
today was quite a sleepy day.
cct was discussing abt our relationship with our parents and what problems we faced.
then i slept waiting for LA teacher to come. and i tired until i totally fell alsleep.
chinese. we made li lao shi quite angry>
< got too much distractions already.
haiyo the breaks timing for us really vry torturous for my stomach D:
second period already start growling, third period it starts churning, recess it is numb already.
then after that dont know which break, i was waiting for shannon outside the toilet. then i decided to go to the toilet also. but i had to wait for shannon to come out cos i only use the toilet that she was using only>< i also dont know why, cos i feel comfortable doing buisness inside there? and i dont feel there is any ghost there...and when she came out, she was laughing then she told me "woah somebody got excessive hair loss leh!" then i got a moment to realise what she was talking about and i burst out laughing. then i went to that cubicle to do some buisness also. then when i was squatting down, i saw all the loss h___?! i started laughing to myself cos it is gross until super funny....ok this part sounds abit sick, but i think its quite funny:D
after school stayed back again cos dint feel like going home.
played basketball with shannon a while then got sian.
so we played court with daliyi, chuanling, joy, jill, joanna, tiffany hehheh.
at first they very shy, but then at the end they still quite shy also.
haha quite fun la. but abit tiring cos i think my stamina dropped alot><
oh ya amanda tan was abusing me in the morning today!
i was sleeping then she started tickling me everywhere, hitting me, smacking me, pinching me, kicking me,slapping me. and i was like her stuff toy like tt alamak. crazy pig one this person. too much stress already then suddenly got violence in her! hahah but quite funny la cos she was laughing to herself also hehe.
aiyo sometimes i feel so cheated by priotising certain work over other work.
ytd i had la essay draft 2 to do and it was 2days overdue and i felt super bad to myself already.
but then i had 2 physics ws to finish also (which i had alot i dint really know)
then in the end i decided physics ws was more impt so i decided to hand up draft 2 on tuesday nxt week. cos i had to create a speech for today also.
and THEN physics ws was extended to next tuesday o.o
actually small matter, but i feel even more bad to myself cos my draft 2 is going to be super overdue...D:
oh ya SIL today we were discussing about cyberspace stuffs. then mr chan and mrs chew asked us why do we want to have online diaries such as blogs to let/ allow people see what we feel and do, and putting some information on the web whereby everybody can see. cos its funny to like post online what did we do and how we feel about certain people. then this question really struck me. i also dont know why i had a blog and why im willing to post all this also. and i realise it is kind of weird in adults point of view. and melissa said "ya lor. and somemore we dont like to let our parents read. but we let outsiders read." lol kind of make sense here. but i guess it is kind of weird if our parents read the blog, will feel vry awkard. i think here and there, i also dont know why people want to post about themselves online, or even why i do that also.
{ 5:32 AM }
heh haven been posting for a vry long time...
i think vry little visit this blog also xD
june holidays arent even like holidays. i guess its the same to most ppl too.
"holidays" = time to spam students with projects and deadlines
and every subject teacher just assign one project and thinking its only one project for the students to do for the holidays.
but if every subject teacher does tt, they dont know how much workload there is for the student.
and its hard to even meet up, everybody is so busy with ccas, holidays, personal stuffs.
this sounds like a complaining post.
actually i slack alot but then i dont think i have slack enough.
almost everyday i look at the reports of the SIAs, its getting on my nerves. and i just stop typing. but i have to go back to typing again.
argh after school reopens, everything is a cycle again again. even the caterpillar have a better life. it goes through a cycle also but it doesnt go back to be an egg again, whereby it must eat leaves and have to crawl slowly. it becomes a butterfly which can eat honey and die peacefully after that. ok i think tt doesnt make sense.
wed is friendly match with ct.
see team 1 play today.
my umpiring was terrible o.o like cokeye like tt. its right in front of me then i nv blow. then its so far away i can see it but not suppose to blow cos not my area, then i go blow! alamak.
i want to play as well as them also. but i dont know if i really have the ability. like sth is stopping me from carrying on when im tired. i think im starting to play just for the sake of playing and cos i have no choice.
i cant stand my hesistance in everything ahh..
ok i dont know what to say already.
i guess i will have some fun arnd the end of the 4th week of holidays.
{ 7:16 AM }